Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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