I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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