I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
