Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
