Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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