I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
