I hate your face
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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