I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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