this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
