I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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