you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
