I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We were destined to go to rehab together
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
