Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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