If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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