im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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