you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
