Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
