Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
