U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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