1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
