ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
