You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
