Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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