About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
