sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
