I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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