There's always time for handjobs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
