1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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