I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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