Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
