He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
