I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
