yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
