so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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