Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
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You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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