I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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