yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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