Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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