Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
