My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You can't just leave with hair like that
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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