if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
