She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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