New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
