Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
