just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
