am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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