I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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