Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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