next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
