Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
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Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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