just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
