someone get that fucking seahorse.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
