walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
