all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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