She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
