I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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