When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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