im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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