I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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