and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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