Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
