It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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