is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
