The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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