Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
