you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
