we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
