you traded sex for a burrito?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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