Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
