I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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