she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
