I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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