I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
